The Big "C"
It is hard to believe I had cancer. It is gone by the GRACE OF GOD. I am a Melanoma skin cancer survivor as of June 22nd, 2012.
Two weeks later I felt something on my back as I got out of the shower in that same spot Chuck had asked about two weeks prior. I "peeked" at it in the mirror and noticed that if it WAS a cut it should have been healed in about two weeks but it looked as it did two weeks prior. It had a pink ring around "something" that looked like a black scab. I instantly thought to "Google" "pictures of Melanoma and moles". Apparently, I had a pre-existing mole in that exact spot. It had changed shape, color and feel over time. I called the doctor that day to make an appointment. He, like me was very suspicious of my mole. He then, referred to a dermatologist.
On June 5th (also Chuck's 32nd birthday, just 4 days before Scarlett's birthday AND her 1st birthday party), I went in to get my mole biopsied. Because Chuck couldn't go with me, and his Mom had to stay home to watch Scarlett, my father-in-law took me to my appointment for support:) I was told by the nurse who biopsied it, I would receive a phone call whether it was "good" or "bad" news.
June 14, was the day my life was changed forever (besides marriage and a baby). The news I was about to receive was the most devastating news I have EVER received in my life...I returned the missed phone call from the dermatologist that I had received that same day, to receive the results of my biopsy, not thinking anything of it. I just got home from work, was doing some things around the house and I told the front desk I was calling about my results.
I was then transferred to the nurse who took my biopsy (she had the most sweetest upbeat repore :) She proceeded to say "We have your results back and....they came back positive for Melanoma". My heart sank. I was so filled with emotion that I couldn't even respond at first. I was shocked, considering that was NOT the news I had been expecting.
Chuck and Scarlett were in the living room on the couch at this time, I knew Chuck knew what the results were by the look on my face. About a minute when by without me speaking.
Meanwhile...the nurse was still on the phone and said "I know this is difficult ma'am and I honestly was not expecting these results either, but we need to make you an appointment as soon as possible." I responded in a shaken voice "Okay...this is common...it'll be okay". She proceeded to make an appointment for me for June 22nd at 9:40am.
In the meantime, I had not done ANY other research about Melanoma other than looking up what my mole looked like. I didn't want to "freak myself out". Needless to say...a lot of uncertainty, some tears, a breakdown (by yours truly) and praying went on from the 14-22nd.
We had made arrangements for Scarlett to be taken care of while I had my appointment because Chuck, my rock, needed to be by my side.
When we arrived at the appointment, I was so nervous, I told Chuck I felt like I was going to throw up. He reassured me everything would be okay. When they called my name...I just hopped up (tried being my chipper self) and followed a nurse to my room.
In the meantime, the nurse (Bob) wrote down some information about me and gave me some information about Melanoma and what was going to happen during my procedure. He left me to change. Problem is....I had no idea what to change into because Bob had not given me anything. I did however, remember him opening a cabinet that had gowns in it. When I reached in the cabinet...there were only these weird half-gown looking things. Anywho...I was in my skivvies. I just put the half-gown thingie on. Just at that point, the doctor knocked on the door and...walked in of course. I said "I'm no quite sure if this is the right thing I'm supposed to have on....". He grinned and said "No...but let me go get you something else". Ha....at this point...I was scantily clad (not by choice) but I know he's seen WAY more patients than me in my skivvies;) The doctor came back after a few minutes and gave me the proper garment. Whew! I still was half dressed but there was nothing I could do about it at this point, after all....I was there to get my cancer removed, I didn't care what I had to do (within reason that is) to get it taken care of.
The doctor came in again, discussed and described what Melanoma was (I started crying because I was still shocked and nervous) and drew a description of what Melanoma was and what he was going to do during the procedure. I laid down on the table and he proceeded to make friendly conversation as I was being poked in the back several times to be numbed. He asked where I was from (you know, because MOST people who live in Florida are transplants). I said "Originally from Pennsylvania but my husband and I moved here from Michigan 6 years ago". He asked "What part of PA?". I responded "Philadelphia area". He said "Have you ever heard of Lansdale?"
If you know me pretty well....you know I lived and went to school IN Lansdale.
I said "Yes! I went to school there!" He said "Have you ever heard of "Christopher Dock". I said grinning "I went to Calvary Baptist, right next to North Penn and rode the bus with kids from CD. This all the meanwhile I am smelling the burn of my skin and feeling tugging from the procedure. Bizarre but...I just felt instantly comfortable speaking to him while having my "surgery."
By the time we were done joking about things and talking about our hometown, my procedure was finished. Voila! I have 5inch horizontal cut with 20+ stitches (inside and out). My cancer has been removed.
I have been instructed not to bend over or pick up anything for two weeks. So....the saint that my husband is....he has taken extra good care of both me (helping change my bandages) and our little one year old angel, Scarlett and doing everything he can to make things easier on me.
We have kept this whole ordeal "on the "down low" because we wanted to find out the synopsis on things and hopefully (prayerfully) get the clearance of the cancer being gone. Although it may be "gone" it isn't necessarily gone for good. From here on out, I will have quite a few more doctors appointments more than I have ever imagined, for the rest of my life to make sure the cancer doesn't "creep" back up. I must now go to extra measures when I am out in the sun and so on but....it is such a small price to pay (along with a pretty crazy looking scar), to LIVE.
I always say "live life to it's fullest". I always have done just that, I just look at it in a different light these days.
It all is just SO surreal. Sunscreen or no sunscreen. In PA or in FL...it happened for a reason. Life will never be the same. I am a survivor by the GRACE OF GOD. Through everything...God is good!!! :)
Pictures of my scar the day of my surgery:
Pictures 1 and 2 weeks post surgery:
Psalm 46:1-3
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah.
Exodus 23:25
But you shall serve the Lord your God, and He will bless your bread and your water; and I will remove sickness from your midst.
Philippians 4:6,7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I just love this song...it has always been one of my favorite songs just a little more so these days;)
Jack's Mannequin "Swim"
Jack's Mannequin | Myspace Music Videos
SWIM
By: Jack's Mannequin
Lyrics
You gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music that saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the Earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above
I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking the armour, yeah
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim
You gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your family, your lovers
Your sisters and brothers and friends
Yeah you gotta swim
For wars without cause
Swim for these lost politicians
Who don't see their greed is a flaw
The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above
I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking the armour, yeah
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I'm not giving in
I swim
You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in driftin'
Feel the tide shifting
And wait for the spark
Yeah you gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim
Thank you Chuck Stepp for being an amazing father and husband before, during and after this ordeal. If it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't be where I am today! You saved my life...
posted by Noellestepp at
2:00 PM
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